On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

In A Restroom: “Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.”

In A Health Food Shop Window: “Closed due to illness.”

At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."

On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."

On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a Counsellor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."

Sign outside brothel: On Vacation. Beat it.

In a veterinarian's waiting room:"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

Over a gynaecologist’s office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

At a proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." 

At a Towing Company: "We don't want an arm and a leg. We want your tows."

In a Laundromat: “Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.”

In A Safari Park: “Elephants Please Stay In Your Car.”

Message on a Leaflet: “If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.”

On A Billboard - Ad For A Safe Company: "If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."

A billboard near Louisville, Kentucky: "Tattoos...While You Wait."