Little Susie was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared, "A baby brother." "Sweetheart, Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "But there just isn't time before your birthday." Susie thought for a moment and replied, "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry? Put more men on the job."

INTERCOURSE

When you're in love, intercourse is called "making love." When it's lust, intercourse is called "screwing." When it's marriage, intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

AT THE BIRTH

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician. "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."

SPECIAL SANDALS

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace, looking at the wide assortment of goods, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper, with a Jamaican accent say, "Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So, the couple walked in. The shopkeeper said, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals upon hearing the claims, but her husband felt he really didn't need them. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, mon." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of he Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on dee wrong feet, mon, you got dem on the dee wrong feet!"

THE DIFFERENCE

Q: What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?
A: Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.

LIBRARY ORDER

A blonde walks into a library, looks around, then gets in line for the counter. Once she gets to the head of the line, she loudly says, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large Coke." The librarian looks at her for a moment, then whispers to the blonde, "Ma'am, this is the library." The blonde nods, then whispers, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large Coke."

LAST REQUEST

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, my dear." "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"

DISGRACE

A young girl was going on a date, so she sought out the advice of her grandmother. Her grandmother said, "Sit here and let me tell you about boys. Your date is going to try and kiss you, and you're going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try and feel your breast, and you're going to like that, too, but don't let him do that. Most importantly, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, too, but don't let him do that! It will disgrace the family!" With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day, she told grandma that her date went just as she'd predicted. She said, "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried to have his way with me, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced his family!"

OLD WOMAN, YOUNG WOMAN

Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A: A navel.

SURVEY

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.

NATIONAL ANTHEM

Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?
A: Row, row, row your boat.

THE WASHCLOTH

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was. She responded, "It's my washcloth." Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair. The boy asked, "What happened to your washcloth?" The mother responded, "I lost it." The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth." The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?" The boy answered, "The maid has it! She was washing daddy's face with it."