PASTOR BRIAN TAMAKI:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DON BRASH:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the Prime Minister of New Zealand in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the New Zealand public from the political shenanigans our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the P.M.’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff and I intend to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigations have been completed. (We are also investigating whether Winston Peters has leaked information to Brian Tamaki, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

WINSTON PETERS:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking New Zealander.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.

GEORGE BUSH:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released e-Chicken 05, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-Chicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?