If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.

Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.

Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

No radio - already stolen.

Keep honking...I'm reloading.

Caution!  I drive like you do.

Student Driver - Get the hell out of my way!

OK, who stopped payment on my reality cheque?

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

So many stupid people...so few comets.

Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog - Dorothy

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

Born free. Taxed to death.

Laugh alone and the world things you're an idiot.